Diana's Life

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Friends and NONFriends

November11
"Janice Gillespie Harless"

Janice Gillespie Harless

I found out last night that one of my dearest high school friends, Janice Gillespie, passed away more than a year ago from breast cancer.  As I sat reading her Facebook page I had tears streaming down my face.   She had the most magnificent blue eyes that went perfectly with her dark brown hair.  When she looked at you, you can almost see her soul, they were that clear.  Janice was so sweet.  I don’t think I ever heard her say a mean thing.  She was the kind of kid you just knew was going to have a long  and happy life filled with children and loved ones.  She did get the lovely family.  You can hear the written words of her children dripping with love and the sense of loss as they post their tender feelings on her profile.I wish I had just one more chance to tell her how much knowing her has meant to me.  How special it was to be able to call her “Friend.”  To tell her that I still love her, 25 years later, and that she was THAT special of a person.

Sadly.  Very sadly.  She was on my friends list, hidden by about 800 other people I had friended for silly games.  Games that I no longer even play.  I had her all the time yet I never said any of these things.  I never told her how special she was or that I even thought of her, ever.  I had years to express those thoughts and feelings.  But, at the time of her death, I was in my 8th month of pregnancy.  I had so much going on in my life that I let the “little” things go.  I would always have time to leave a little note… right?  Perhaps she would have been too caught up with fighting for her life.  Maybe she wouldn’t even have remembered who I was.  Maybe I would have reminded her of who SHE once was.  Even if all of this, or none of this, would have happened, at least I would not be going to have to live the rest of my life regretting the fact that I let that ONE LAST CHANCE slip away.

I would not have been able to save Janice from the cancer that ate away at her life until there was nothing left.  Perhaps a little note on her wall would have done absolutely NOTHING for Janice.  But, had I left it, I would not have this little bit of cancer in my own life, called regret.

I know I am going to edit this.  I am just posting randomly without thought to sentences or even making sure my thoughts are coherent.  Whatever.

The Harless Family

Janice with her family